


That New Feeling

by kuriositet



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: First Time, M/M, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-24
Updated: 2012-06-24
Packaged: 2017-11-08 10:43:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/442355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuriositet/pseuds/kuriositet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank is sick of being a virgin, sick of feeling ugly and unwanted and sick of going home disappointed from every party he's attended in the last three years. He's sick of wondering if there's something wrong with him, so he decides to ask someone about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That New Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2011, first posted on LJ and later DW. Beta credit to [happilyappled](http://archiveofourown.org/users/happilyappled).

The room is dark and smells of sweat, booze and cigarettes. It's not too loud anymore, though, because it's late and most people have either gone someplace else or fallen asleep, or both. Frank is still there, awake, in the Way family's lounge, surrounded by empty cups and bottles where he's semi-lying on top of Gerard on the couch.

There's a crunching sound as he wriggles around to get more comfortable on the older boy's hard chest, and he realizes he probably crushed a few of the chips that Mikey 'accidentally' poured over them before.

There's some low music playing in the background, some cheesy ballad that actually fits the setting of the dark room, but other than that the only sounds Frank can hear are of Mikey talking to some guy Frank doesn't know, as well as the smacking sounds of a kissing couple.

He sighs softly as he settles down with his head on Gerard's shoulder, lying on his left side with his right hand splayed over Gerard's chest. The older boy's arm is wrapped around him, and it feels nice, although he can't help but wish it was under different circumstances.

He wishes the night had turned out differently, like he always does after a party. He always have very high expectations before going to a party, and he always ends up disappointed. He always thinks that _this_ will be the night. This will be the night that he meets a guy he really hits it off with and they spend the night together, partying and dancing and making out and then, finally, fucking.

That's all he really wants to do. He wants to lose his virginity so badly, but it just never happens, no matter how many parties he goes to, no matter how many gay and bisexual guys he parties with. No one seems to be interested.

"Gerard, am I ugly?" Frank whispers softly, picking at the shoulder of Gerard's sleeveless top. There's a loose thread, and he can't help but fiddle with it. It keeps him distracted as he waits for Gerard's reply that he's not even sure is coming. Gerard might have fallen asleep for all he knows.

"What?" is the answer he gets, though, Gerard's raspy voice vibrating through the chest that Frank is lying on.

"Do I look bad?" Frank asks again, wrapping the tiny thread around his index finger. "Is there something wrong with me?" He presses his nose into Gerard's shirt as if to try and hide his face, and he smells the older boy. He smells of booze and cigarettes and sweat just like the rest of the room, but there's also a hint of cologne and something that Frank knows is Gerard's own scent.

Then, Gerard sits up, making Frank fall back, before pulling the younger boy back onto his lap, cupping his face and looking into his eyes. "Why would there be anything wrong with you?" He looks completely serious, his pupils dilated in the dark. There's some eyeliner smudged underneath his eyes, but he still looks beautiful in a way Frank could never measure up to.

"Nobody wants me," Frank admits, looking down and away from Gerard's hauntingly beautiful eyes. He's not even sure when Gerard got so pretty, but he assumes that it was when he got drunk and needy and got to the point where he'd let anyone, even his best friend's older brother, fuck him.

"I've been trying to get laid for the past three years, but no one of the guys I've met has ever been interested in the slightest," he continues, eyes locked on Gerard's chest where he thinks he might see the shadow of a nipple through the tight fabric. "So there must be something wrong with me."

"Frankie," Gerard sighs, lifting the younger boy's face up again, making Frank stare straight into his dark eyes that are just so caring. They look concerned, and it makes Frank's stomach flutter to know that Gerard actually cares about him. They never really hang out except for at parties. Frank thinks talking to Gerard gets a lot easier when he's drunk.

"You're beautiful." Frank blushes at the words, and wants to look away again, but Gerard holds his gaze. "And you're sweet, and caring and fun to be around. There's nothing wrong with you." Gerard strokes Frank's hair out of his face before settling his hand back on the younger boy's cheek, caressing it softly. Frank thinks for a second that Gerard might kiss him, but he doesn't.

"I know it's hard to believe, but the right guy will come along, and it will happen when the time is right. You won't be a virgin forever. Just keep being the amazing person that you are, and I'm sure you will meet someone sooner rather than later." He kisses Frank's cheek, and hugs him tightly.

Frank loves the feeling of Gerard holding him, his strong, warm arms embracing him and keeping him safe. That's what he wants to always have.

*

The next time Frank sees Gerard he can't help but feel embarrassed about spilling his guts on Gerard like he had. He's at Mikey's house, just chilling and watching a movie when Gerard comes in, and although it's been over two weeks, he feels a blush spreading over his cheeks and excuses himself to get something to drink.

He can hear the two brothers talking in the other room as he opens the fridge to get out a can of coke, the cold air leaking out to cool his skin down. As he stands there, relishing in the refreshing cold air, he doesn't hear Gerard entering the kitchen, though, and as a result, he jumps three feet into the air when Gerard places a hand on his shoulder.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," the older boy laughs, and Frank blushes even harder. Gerard's smile is kind, though, and Frank can't help but smile back.

"It's okay, you just surprised me," he says quietly, before having Gerard surprise him again as he leans in and gives him a quick hug. It's so short he doesn't even have time to tense up before Gerard's gone again, but the sweet honey scent of Gerard's shampoo sticks in his nose.

"I just wanted to see how you're doing. You seemed pretty down the last time I saw you." Gerard smiles in a way that, although Frank would feel embarrassed about the last time they spoke, makes the younger boy feel quite at ease about the whole thing. Frank knows that Gerard would never judge him. He's not like that, no matter what it's about.

"I'm fine, thanks. I had one hell of a hangover the day after that party, though," Frank laughs, and the older boy grins back.

"Well, if you want another one of those, my roommate and I are having a small party this weekend. Mikey's coming, and it would be really awesome if you could be there too," Gerard says, smiling almost shyly, which Frank can't understand. Were things really that awkward between them now?

"Yeah, sure, I'll be there. I don't have any other plans, so yeah." He nods, and Gerard's face lights up.

"Great! I'll see you then." He gives Frank another short hug before they go back into the lounge, where Frank rejoins Mikey, watching the movie, and Gerard says goodbye and leaves.

"So, are you as excited about that party as I am?" Mikey smirks at Frank, the younger boy understanding exactly what Mikey's excited about. Mikey's had a thing for Gerard's roommate, Bob, for ages and the last couple of times they've partied together there has definitely been some drunken kissing and groping. Mikey's convinced that the next time they will have sex.

Which is nothing more than you can expect from Mikey, Frank thinks, who during his twenty-one year long life has had more boyfriends than Frank can count using the fingers on both of his hands. He's not exactly jealous, except for maybe a _little_ jealous just because Mikey has done it, and he's out there, having any guy he wants, and Frank has had no one.

Frank has been more hopeful since his talk with Gerard, though, so yes, he is excited. Maybe this Saturday will be it?

*

When Frank and Mikey finally get to Gerard's and Bob's apartment on Saturday, they are about forty-five minutes late because Mikey couldn't decide what to wear. It hadn't even mattered that Frank was sitting on his bed, telling him after every change of outfit that he looked great, he had to try just one more.

Then he ended up in first one he had tried, which meant he also had to change his hair back to the way he had first styled it and then put on just a tiny bit of eyeliner underneath his glasses and before they knew it, it was 7:30.

So with Mikey wearing his tight jeans and tight black and white striped shirt, his hair straightened and hairspray, and Frank wearing dark jeans and a white button up shirt, his long hair loose, they finally ring the doorbell. They can hear music thumping through the walls and Frank hopes they won't get into any trouble with shitty neighbors. That can really ruin a party.

Gerard opens the door within seconds, practically stumbling out with Bob hot on his heels; both laughing hysterically and Frank can't help but wonder how much they've had to drink. They shut up when they see the boys at the door, though, and as Bob drags Mikey inside, presumably to get him something to drink or to make out with him, Gerard wraps Frank in a _tight_ hug.

He doesn't let go, either, but holds the younger boy close for a really long time compared to the usual super short hugs they sometimes share. He burrows his face in Frank's hair, as the younger boy's face is pressed into Gerard's shoulder and he can smell Gerard's shampoo again, as well as sweat and booze and cigarettes.

There's a new, strange (to Frank, at least) kind of intimacy going on between them, and he has no idea what it means. When Gerard pulls away, he looks at Frank with his dark eyes—the pupils so dilated the eyes look completely black—and raises a hand to push Frank's hair behind his ear. Frank is almost certain that Gerard is going to kiss him, his heart racing as the older boy's fingers brush against his cheek.

"Let's go get you a drink, okay?" Gerard says, and with that he's out of Frank's face, instead grabbing his hand and dragging him through the hallway and the kitchen doorway where a group of people have gathered for no other reason but to be annoying and in the way. Gerard's hand feels big, warm and dry in his own which is starting feel a bit sweaty. He's hoping that Gerard won't notice that.

He's not sure why he even cares so much about what Gerard thinks or does, but he's got a feeling, somewhere deep in his gut, that Gerard might be that guy Frank has been looking for. He's never really been all that interested in Gerard, because even if he's hot and awesome and everything, he is Mikey's brother and that shit only happens in movies and cheesy romance novels.

Still, ever since Frank talked to Gerard about being sick of being a twenty year old virgin, Gerard has been acting strange when they've seen each other. Gerard has actually seemed sort of interested, and Frank is only human so he can't not respond to that. If Gerard is serious and wants him, Frank won't hesitate for a moment before giving himself to the older boy.

It seems like Frank may have been wrong, though, because as soon as Gerard had gotten him a Gin & Tonic, he's swept away by some of his other guests and Frank is left there alone, not recognizing anyone. Mikey is nowhere to be seen, probably off somewhere with Bob.

He goes into the lounge to see if maybe Gerard is there, but he isn't, so Frank just sits on the couch, sipping his drink and wishing he hadn't come. He hates going to parties where he doesn't know anyone, and although he hadn't expected Gerard or Mikey to babysit him the entire night, he really feels as if his friends have abandoned him now.

He spots Gerard's old acoustic guitar in the corner, though, so he grabs it and finds himself a semi-quiet corner where he gets it somewhat in tune. He hasn't even played for five minutes before this tall guy with an afro walks up and sits down next to him, and before he knows it they're deep in conversation about guitars and amps and what bands they listen to.

They both get up to get refills and to piss several times, but the discussion doesn't die until hours later when Gerard finally reappears, crouching down behind Frank and whispering in his ear, "There you are! I've been looking all over for you." Frank jumps in shock, like he did that other day in the kitchen, and turns his head to see a grinning Gerard. "Wanna go outside and have a smoke with me?"

"I, uh, yeah. Sure," he says, before taking Gerard's hand and pulling himself up from the floor. "See you later, Ray," he says to his new friend who stays on the floor, a knowing look on his face.

Frank thinks at first that they're going to the balcony, but it's small and already crowded, so Gerard leads him out the door and down the stairs, and finally outside where it's quiet. He doesn't even realize until they're outside that he's still holding Gerard's hand, but that's when the older boy lets go to fish out his smokes and lighter from the front pocket of his tight jeans. He sticks one between Frank's lips, and one between his own and then pulls Frank's face closer so that he can light them both at the same time while looking into Frank's eyes.

He pockets the lighter again before taking the cigarette out of his mouth and saying, "So, are you having a good time?"

"Well, considering the only two people I know here vanished the moment I got here, I'd say I've had a pretty good time so far. Ray's cool, and now that you've returned from wherever you disappeared off to I can't really complain," Frank says, not meaning to sound too annoyed, or angry, but Gerard looks kind of guilty for leaving him like that anyway.

"I'm sorry, I got drunk a little too fast and I had to go take it easy for a while," Gerard says very apologetically, and Frank believes him. Gerard had been very drunk when he first got here, and now he's nowhere near that wasted. The older boy steps closer and places a hand on Frank's cheek, tilting his head up. "Can you forgive me?"

Gerard's thumb runs over Frank's lips as he whispers, "Yes," and as Frank waits for the _inevitable_ kiss, he kisses the lonely digit still resting on his lips. The older boy's eyes light up as Frank's pink lips embrace the finger, and he pushes it further in, letting Frank suck on it, moaning lightly as he swirls his tongue around the dry skin.

Then he pulls out and replaces his thumb with his mouth, smearing saliva over Frank's cheekbone as he grips his face. Frank immediately drops his cigarette to the ground, even though there's more than half of it left, and flings his arms around Gerard, the fingers of one hand curling in the hair at the base of Gerard's neck.

Frank figures Gerard must have dropped his half-smoked cigarette to the ground too, because he's embracing Frank's waist gently. He sucks Frank's tongue into his mouth and the younger boy moans helplessly, pressing forward against Gerard's body, digging his fingers into the back of Gerard's shirt.

"Frankie," the older boy breathes huskily, letting his lips wander from Frank's mouth to his jaw and down his neck, kissing and licking and nipping at the sensitive skin. Frank shivers as Gerard's fingers slip up underneath his shirt, sending goose bumps over his skin, and it's the best feeling ever. "God, Frankie. You're so beautiful."

He bites down on Frank's ear lobe, and the younger boy lets out a surprised, "Oh!" which makes Gerard smirk against his skin.

"Do you wanna go up to my room?" he whispers softly, moving back to kiss Frank's lips.

The younger boy shivers at the question, both in anticipation and nervousness. He's not sure what it means, but it's Gerard, so it can't really mean all that many different things. It's Gerard, who Frank just three weeks earlier told how ugly and unwanted he felt. It's his best friend's older brother, and Frank knows for a fact that if Gerard does something to hurt him, Mikey will make him pay. If he ever manages to stop kissing Bob, that is.

"Frankie?" Gerard asks again when there's no reply, kissing the corner of his lips and then his cheek.

"And, and do what?" he stutters out, a dark blush creeping upon his cheeks that Gerard immediately stops kissing. Instead, he cups Frank's face in his hands and looks into his eyes, smiling.

"Anything you want." Frank nods slowly, and there's a flutter in his stomach when Gerard kisses him again. "Come on," the older boy says as he breaks away, taking Frank's hand and leading him back inside. They climb the stairs slowly, the flutter in Frank's stomach growing stronger with every step.

"Are you okay?" Gerard asks just before they enter the apartment, and Frank realizes he's been crushing Gerard's hand. The older boy pulls him away from the door a little, and reaches up to touch his face, looking at him with his stunning eyes. His eyeliner is smudged just like it was when they talked a few weeks ago, Frank recalls. It's relaxing to look at Gerard like that, so he eases his grip on the older boy's hand and leans in to kiss him.

"I'm fine." He tugs on Gerard's hand and walks backwards to the apartment door, grinning. "Come on."

Once they're inside the apartment, Frank is surprised at how fast they manage to get to Gerard's bedroom considering how many people they pass on the way who seem like they want to talk to Gerard. Frank spots Mikey on the way there, though. He's sitting on the couch with Bob, and looks up just in time for their eyes to meet and to give Frank a knowing and encouraging smile.

He's more than relieved when they reach the peace and quiet of Gerard's room, though; even if he knows that everyone else is still partying just outside the door. The realization that he is going to lose his virginity in that room is suddenly hitting him full force, too, and he trembles while instinctively wrapping his arms around himself.

But then Gerard is there, kissing his neck and hugging his waist from behind, and Frank sighs softly at the touch. "I'm scared," he admits quietly, turning his head to look at Gerard. "I've wanted to do this for so long, but now I'm terrified."

"Frank, we don't have to do anything if you don't want to," Gerard says sweetly, letting go of the younger boy who turns around to face him properly.

"But I do want to. I'm just scared I'll do something wrong, or that it's going to be awful, or something." He's still got his arms wrapped around himself, but Gerard gently pries his hands loose and takes them in his own and kisses the backs of both of them before kissing Frank's lips for the umpteenth time tonight. "I'm really glad I'm with you, though."

Gerard kisses him long and deep, and when they pull away, Frank is grinning. "I have no idea why you of all people want me when nobody else in the world does, but I'm so fucking happy you do," he whispers, and he means every word of it. "I just. . . Why have you waited so long?"

It's a question that's been nagging at the back of his head all night, and after trying to avoid it, he's decided to just ask, because three weeks is a short time for someone to magically realize they want someone. So, unless Gerard is only there because he thinks Frank is really easy (which he is, to be honest,) Gerard must have been interested for a while.

He is actually blushing, and Frank doesn't understand why. "I wasn't sure you were actually gay, so I've been afraid to do anything." That's not a reply that Frank had expected at all, considering he's been out in the open about his sexuality since he was eighteen. "Because I know that you've never had a boyfriend, so I thought that maybe you were straight after all, but then when we talked three weeks ago, I realized that you had just been unfortunate in that department."

"Oh," is all Frank can say at the moment, and he blushes. He had never even considered that being single for so long could lead people to think he was straight.

"I've liked you for quite a while, but you're Mikey's best friend and I didn't want to mess things up." He tilts Frank's head up with two fingers on the younger boy's chin, and leans in to kiss him gently. "I thought you seemed sort of into me at that party, too, so I thought 'why not give it a try?'" Frank laughs softly, because yeah, he doesn't usually cuddle on the couch with his friends' brothers, okay?

"And," Gerard continues, "I don't want to see you running off to have sex with the first guy you see. I'm not saying you should wait until you're married or whatever, but you really shouldn't let anybody fuck you just because you want to lose your virginity. I mean, your first time is the riskiest because you've never been exposed to it before."

"I guess," Frank replies quietly, feeling kind of stupid because he's never really looked at it that way. He's just wanted to get it done and figured that it's going to hurt no matter what. He just wanted the experience and to learn and do it again.

"And, I don't know if we'll ever do it again after tonight, but I want your first time to be as good as it can be, because I care about you. I don't want you to hurt more than is strictly necessary," he says softly, gazing into Frank's eyes and the younger boy feels that crazy flutter in his stomach again.

"Thank you," is all he can think to say, and Gerard grins and kisses him again, not stopping until Frank is completely out of his breath.

"Are you ready?" Gerard fiddles with the top buttons of Frank's shirt, his fingers brushing against the skin underneath, and Frank feels a hot flush spreading from that area and over his still covered chest.

"As ready as I'll ever be," he whispers, brushing his lips against Gerard's and letting his own fingers get to work on the buttons of Gerard's shirt. They're both shirtless within a couple of minutes, and the feeling of the older boy's hands all over his torso is intoxicating. Gerard's mouth never leaves his, but his hands go _everywhere_ , from his hips to his shoulders to his chest where he pinches Frank's nipples lightly.

A moan slips out into Gerard's mouth and Frank pulls back, blushing and biting his bottom lip. Gerard just smiles though, leaning in to whisper in Frank's ear, "You liked that, didn't you?" He repeats the action on Frank's left nipple, moving his other hand to Frank's hair to pull the younger boy into another kiss.

Frank moans, but doesn't pull away this time. Instead, he moves his own hands to Gerard's chest and starts doing the same to him, rubbing the sensitive spots that make Gerard groan against his lips.

When Gerard's hands go lower, to where Frank's skin meets his jeans, his long fingers slipping in under the waistband, Frank's breath hitches in his throat and he blushes violently again, but Gerard simply puts two fingers under his chin and lifts his face up to look at him. "Is this too fast?"

"No," he says a little too quickly, then adds, "No, I'm just nervous."

He kisses Gerard again, wanting them to carry on and get the awkward removing of clothes over and done with. He figures it will be easier once they're both naked, so he wants to get to that stage as fast as possible. Gerard doesn't seem to be in a hurry though, and when he doesn't move his hands back to the waist of Frank's jeans, Frank takes them and places them there for him.

Gerard hesitates at first, but then he pops the first button, and then the next, and Frank lets out a soft moan when the older boy's fingers brush against his hardening dick through the cotton of his boxers.

Gerard hums into Frank's mouth as he undoes the rest of the fly and then pushes the jeans halfway down Frank's thighs, leaving them there as his hands move around Frank to grab his ass and press him closer, _closer_ against the growing bulge in Gerard's pants. "Frankie," Gerard says and breaks away from the kiss, breathing hot air against Frank's ear. "Fuck, you're so hot."

Frank's hands drop from Gerard's hair and neck as a small moan falls from his mouth. Gerard kisses his neck and he digs his blunt fingernails into the pale skin of Gerard's back as he moves his hands down, down until they meet fabric and the curve of Gerard's ass. He gives it a hesitant squeeze before moving his hands to Gerard's front, and he fumbles with the cold metal of the older boy's belt buckle.

Gerard never stops kissing his neck, humming softly against Frank's sensitive skin, and he lets the younger boy take his time with the belt, and then the button and zip of his jeans. When Frank pushes them down, his boxers goes down too, without him really meaning to, and Gerard's hard cock comes forth along with a moan and Gerard's teeth grazing Frank's skin.

Frank finds himself pressing closer, Gerard's hands on his ass doing nothing to stop him. He's so fucking hard, and fuck, he can't believe he's never done this before, never been with someone like this. He moves his hands up Gerard's sides, over his soft love handles and up to his ribs, extending his thumbs to rub the older boy's nipples. He breathes out sharply when Gerard bites down on his neck.

"Gerard, please," he whispers, and the older boy pulls back immediately, looking at Frank with wide blown eyes and a rosy tint to his cheeks. It's fucking hot, Frank thinks just as he's leaning in and reattaching their lips, eagerly sucking Gerard's tongue into his mouth.

He feels Gerard slipping his boxers down as far as he can reach, and reluctantly lets the older boy break the kiss so he can reach down and push Frank's tight jeans down far enough so that Frank can kick them off, before doing the same with his own.

Gerard goes back to kissing him within seconds though, pressing their bodies together so that their cocks are sliding against each other, and it doesn't even bother Frank that he's naked in front of someone. He's so hot and hard, and Gerard actually wants _him_ of all people, wants to do this with him, and Frank loves the feeling of Gerard's hands roaming all over his body.

Gerard pushes him towards the bed, and Frank doesn't object, except for when the older boy lets go of him to peel back the covers before laying Frank down and getting on top of him. Frank can't really believe that this is happening. He's in bed, naked and ready to have sex, with a really hot guy who's a really great kisser, and Frank thinks he could come from just thinking about it.

Gerard's got one leg between Frank's, his thigh pressing against his hard on as he rocks forward slightly, supporting his weight on his elbows and never breaking the kiss. Frank merely lies there, caressing Gerard's biceps and trying so hard not to buck up against the older boy as he doesn't want to seem too eager. Also, he's shit scared about the actual penetration part.

"Hey," Gerard whispers, pressing his lips against Frank's cheek as he breaks the kiss. "You okay?" he asks, moving Frank's hair out of his face and trying to meet his eyes, but Frank can't help but look away.

"I'm fine," he whispers, thumbs still moving over Gerard's smooth biceps as his eyes lock on an old Star Wars poster on the wall. It's one of few things that define the room and make it Gerard's, and Frank likes it. It's familiar and safe, and very Gerard.

"Frankie, look at me," Gerard says, and Frank's surprised at the softness of his voice. he doesn't fight it when he feels Gerard's fingers on his face, turning his face back to look at the older boy, and he's surprised again with the sincerity in Gerard's eyes. Frank knows that Gerard isn't sober, but he's sobered up so much since Frank first arrived at the party that he could probably fool a lot of people.

"We don't have to do this," Gerard finally says, a disappointed but mature look on his face. He waits for a few moments, but when Frank doesn't reply, not knowing what to say at all, he rolls off of Frank and sits on the edge of the bed, running a hand through his messy hair. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

Frank watches him lean on his elbows, head in his hands, and watches his pale back glow in the dark room. He wants to reach out and touch it, to feel the slightly sweaty skin and the ripple of muscles underneath. He wants to touch Gerard everywhere. He wants to have sex with Gerard. He's never been so sure of it before, never wanted it so much before. Gerard pulling away only makes him want it more, because Gerard cares about him.

He can't deny that it makes him feel like a dumb kid, though. Sure, he's nervous, but that doesn't mean that he isn't ready to do it. He wants to, he wants it so badly.

"Gerard," he says, sitting up on his knees just behind Gerard, and his heart is pounding so hard in his chest it matches the beat of the music blasting on the other side of the door. "I want to," he leans in and whispers into Gerard's ear, pressing his hands against the older boy's shoulders and letting them slide down over his back.

"I want you," he says, lips brushing against the shell of Gerard's ear before he leans in further and kisses his jaw, hands moving around from Gerard's back to caress his stomach. His chest is almost pressed against the older boy's back, his heart beating alarmingly fast and hard and he wonders if Gerard can feel it.

His hands slide up Gerard's chest, and he moves just an inch closer, both of them letting out soft moans as his cock presses against Gerard's spine, hot and hard, tip wet with pre-come. He still presses closer, and when Gerard suddenly turns his head to meet Frank's lips in a kiss, he moans happily. Gerard's fingers lace in his hair to keep him in place, and the touch is warm and gentle, just like the one of his lips and tongue against Frank's mouth.

"I'm not a kid," Frank whispers when they break away, nudging Gerard's cheek with his nose. "I may be inexperienced and nervous, but I know what I want."

He thinks he has ruined it when Gerard grabs his hands and takes them off of his body, but instead of leaving him, the older boy just turns around, kneeling on the edge of the bed. "And what is that?" he asks, taking Frank's face in his hands and leaning in so close their noses touch.

"You," he replies confidently, meeting Gerard's gaze. "I want you- God, so fucking much." He has to look away then, the older boy's eyes too intense, so he looks down, his eyes falling on Gerard's cock, hard and flushed and leaking, and fucking mouthwatering. "I want you in me," he adds, voice breathy, and for the first time he reaches out to touch Gerard's dick, resulting in a deep moan coming from the older boy.

Gerard kisses him again, wrapping him up in a tight embrace of hot skin and needy hands. He pushes Frank back to lie down again, and they kiss for another few moments before the older boy pulls away. "Roll over," he breathes, hands urging Frank on eagerly.

The sheets feel weird against his hard cock, but also good in a way, especially as Gerard's hands slide over his back, lips following soon after. He nudges Frank's thighs apart with his knee, and when Frank feels the older boy's hands on his hips and ass, he thinks _this is it,_ but instead of a cock pressing into him, there's Gerard's mouth still moving down his back.

His breath hitches in his throat when Gerard presses an open-mouthed kiss to the top of his crack, and he moans loudly into a pillow when the tip of Gerard's tongue licks at his balls before moving up, all the way back to where he had pressed that first kiss before. Then he does it again, and again, and then he stops at Frank's hole, licking around it, before continuing up. He does that a few times too, sometimes going up, sometimes going back down to his balls, and Frank is losing his mind with how it feels.

It's so wet, and hot, and _wet_. The slick muscle moving so easily, back and forth and up and down and around the rim of Frank's ass, with no hesitation whatsoever. Gerard's breathing is surprisingly steady, coming out through his nose, and Frank can feel every single breath against his sensitive skin. He can feel the moans coming out of Gerard's mouth every now and then, vibrating against his balls or ass, making him respond with a moan of his own.

"Gerard, oh fuck," he breathes shakily against the pillow, hands fisting the sheets under it. He's going to come from this, he thinks, even if he doesn't want to. He wants Gerard to fuck him, and to come from that, no matter how amazing this is. He can't believe that Gerard is rimming him, can't believe that anyone is rimming him; that anybody would want to.

When Gerard first presses the pointy tip of his tongue inside, Frank moans so loudly he's sure someone on the other side of the door heard him over the music, but the door remains closed. He keeps moaning just as loud every time Gerard thrusts his tongue inside, and when the older boy squeezes his ass, spreading his cheeks further apart to get more access he can't stop himself from bucking up.

Gerard keeps going like that for a few more moments, moaning and breathing steadily against Frank's ass, before pulling away for a second only to come back with a finger. The joints of the digit feel strange inside him at first, but as Gerard moves the finger along with his tongue, curling it and stretching him open, Frank gets used to it quickly.

Gerard adds a second finger in no time, spreading him open further and allowing more of his tongue to reach inside, and Frank is going fucking crazy with how it feels. He nudges Frank's prostate with his fingertips a few times and the younger boy shouts fucking loudly into the pillow.

Frank is close to coming when Gerard finally removes his tongue, placing a kiss on Frank's left butt-cheek as he adds a third finger instead. "Fuck, Frankie," he groans, sounding so fucking turned on it sends a shiver down Frank's spine. "Do you want me to fuck you? Are you sure? I could just keep doing this," he whispers against the base of Frank's spine. His breath is hot and his lips wet where they touch his skin.

"I want to," Frank just barely manages to get out. "I want you to fuck me." He moans and pushes back against Gerard's fingers a few more times, until the hand is removed, leaving him feeling empty and suddenly painfully aware of his ready-to-explode hard on that's still leaking onto the sheets and his stomach.

"God, you're so fucking hot, baby," Gerard pants against Frank's shoulder, his cock pressing hard against his awaiting ass, and Frank just wants it.

"Gerard, please, just-" he groans against the pillow, pushing back against Gerard again, and this seems to bring the older boy back to reality.

"Fuck, yeah. I-" Gerard disappears for a moment, leaving Frank feeling cold and exposed on the bed, but he can hear Gerard rummage around in his bedside drawer, looking for condoms and lube, random curses falling from his lips.

He returns shortly, pressing two lubed up fingers inside him again, despite Frank's protests. "It's your first time. I don't wanna hurt you," he whispers softly and adds a third finger without a problem. Frank just moans desperately and rocks back onto the fingers, wanting so much more.

Gerard preps him for another minute, carefully making scissoring movements and he pushes in and out, curling his fingers and brushing up against Frank's spot more than once. When he finally seems satisfied, Frank feels as if he's going to come the second Gerard presses into him, but despite the careful preparation the surge of pain overwhelms him the second the head of Gerard's dick presses through the tight ring of muscle.

"Just try to relax, baby," Gerard whispers encouragingly as he keeps pushing in slowly, kissing Frank's shoulders and running his hands all over the younger boy's sides. "Almost there," he adds, and moments later he stops, just holding the position so that Frank can adjust to the feeling of being full.

It hurts like hell, all the muscles in his lower regions seizing up, wanting and trying to push Gerard back out, and he has to fight that urge, has to fight his body's reflexes, and it hurts. It's tiring too, and he can feel his erection going down little by little as him and Gerard are completely still for what feels like forever.

When he can finally feel his body start to relax he lets out a deep breath that he wasn't entirely aware that he was holding, and he turns his head in an attempt to look at Gerard. "You can move now," he says, his voice a little shaky.

"Are you sure?" Gerard asks, reaching out as far as he can and manages to kiss Frank's cheek.

"Yeah," he nods. "Yes."

Gerard pulls back, but he's pulling Frank with him so that he's up on all fours instead of lying flat on the bed, and it hurts, but the pain dissipates just as quickly as it had appeared. It hurts when Gerard pulls out too, but the good feeling of him pressing inside again overrides it, and Frank finds himself moaning as Gerard does.

"Fuck," he gasps, and Gerard squeezes his hips and groans, thrusting into him again and again, gaining speed with every movement. He's fully hard again, and he's rocking back to meet Gerard's thrusts and he fucking loves everything about it. It still hurts, but the good feeling is much stronger as Gerard fills him up completely, fucking him deep and hard, panting against his shoulder and digging his fingernails into Frank's hips.

It's hot and sweaty, and the sound of Gerard's skin slapping against his own sounds like porn, and he wants- Fuck, he wants to do this forever. "Gerard, fuck. Oh _fuck_ ," he moans, knowing that he's getting close. He's so hard it hurts and he wants so badly to move one of his hands to touch himself, but his arms are shaking and he knows that if he tries to move one, he'll fall face first into the pillow. "God."

"Yeah, _yeah, fuck,_ " Gerard replies. He keeps going like he has been for another few moments, but then he slows down, and Frank wants to yell at him to keep fucking him when Gerard's arms wrap around his waist, pulling him backwards. Frank's not sure how, but he ends up on Gerard's lap, cock still deep in his ass, and Gerard is fucking up into him, so fucking good.

He's leaning back into Gerard's chest, head lolling back onto the older back's shoulder, and then Gerard's tongue is in his mouth, and they're kissing, open-mouthed and sloppy, as Frank's fist wraps around his own cock, pumping it faster than Gerard's thrusts.

When Gerard starts hitting his spot with almost every thrust, Frank lets out a moan with every breath and Gerard swallows all of them greedily, still kissing him with one hand in Frank's hair and one around his waist as he fucks him faster.

Frank's climax hits him like a freight train coming out of nowhere, and he comes all over his hand and thighs, moaning into Gerard's mouth and clenching around his cock, causing the older boy to moan in return as he thrusts into another four or five times and comes long and hard into the condom, squeezing Frank's waist and biting his lip.

The kiss is broken, but Frank doesn't turn his face away, and neither does Gerard. He pulls out of Frank when he goes limp, and Frank tries to move, but Gerard ties the condom off and keeps his arm around Frank, holding him in place until he eventually relaxes again and leans his head against Gerard's neck.

"That was-" he starts to say, but Gerard finishes the sentence for him. "Fucking awesome."

Frank laughs, nuzzling the older boy's neck and links their hands on his surprisingly come-free stomach. "Yeah."

They sit like that for a while, but Frank feels gross with come and sweat everywhere, and he figures that Gerard feels the same, because he lets him go and reaches for a box of tissues on the floor next to the bed and wipes the come off of Frank's hand and thighs for him.

It's nice, and as Gerard takes care of him, Frank can feel his eyelids go heavy, and despite the steady thump of the music, he feels sleep calling for him, so he lies down against the pillows. Gerard smiles at him and pecks his lips before kissing his forehead, but Frank doesn't want to just fall asleep on him.

"Hey, is it okay if I-" he murmurs sleepily, Gerard's face looking kind of blurry as his eyes droop and it feels like he's looking through his eyelashes.

"It's fine," Gerard replies, getting off the bed and covering Frank up with a blanket, and the next thing Frank knows is nothing.

*

When he comes to again, he's alone in the room and all the lights are out. There's no music on outside the room, as far as he can hear, so he assumes that the party is over. He glances sideways to the alarm clock on the bedside table, and finds the glowing numbers reading 3:24. He wonders where Gerard is, why he isn't sleeping, why he isn't in his bed.

He needs to pee.

He gets up and out of the bed, shivering when he's met by the cool night air, and pulls on his boxers, and drapes his shirt over his shoulder but doesn't bother with doing any of the buttons up.

He gets dressed in the dark, not turning any lights on, and when he opens the door he finds the rest of the apartment just as pitch black. He hardly even sees Gerard just outside the door, seemingly on his way back to his room, and jumps with a start when he finally sees him, just inches from his own face.

"Hey," he says quietly, probably not to disturb his roommate. "I didn't mean to scare you." He smiles and lifts a hand to Frank's face. Then he frowns. "Why are you up?"

Frank wants to ask the same thing, but instead he blushes and mutters, "Bathroom," and the frown on Gerard's face disappears.

"Okay, I-" he says, but stops and looks thoughtful for a moment. "Okay." He just smiles again, and steps aside to let Frank go and do his business. Just before Frank closes the bathroom door he can hear Gerard shut the door to his bedroom carefully, and he lets out a shaky breath.

He feels confused and nervous again, not sure how to act around Gerard, or whether to stay or go home. Just because Gerard had let him fall asleep after they had sex it doesn't mean that he wants him to stay all night. After all, Gerard hadn't even been in the room when Frank woke up. He had probably been waiting for Frank to wake up and get out, and when he heard Frank moving around he went back to his room.

"Fuck," he mutters to himself, washing his hands and glaring at himself in the mirror. He's such a loser. He's supposed to know what to do in these situations. He's twenty years old; he's supposed to have been through this before. He's supposed to have had sex with random guys before, not that Gerard is just anybody, but still. "Fuck."

He splashes some cold water on his face, dries off quickly and then returns to Gerard's room. It's still dark and quiet, but he can make out the contour of Gerard's body on the bed, and he figures he's asleep.

He finds his jeans on the floor and curses the jingling of his keys in the pocket when a sleepy, but confused voice says, "What are you doing?" The room is suddenly bathed in a bright, white light as Gerard turns on his bedside lamp, and Frank feels like a deer in headlights.

Gerard looks tired and maybe a little hurt, but mostly confused.

"I'm going home," he says, looking away from Gerard and down at his jeans. He feels stupid, and embarrassed, and he just wants to get out of there.

"At four in the morning?" Gerard asks skeptically, and Frank flushes a deep shade of red.

"Yeah, I'll just-" he mutters, and pulls his jeans up first one leg, and then the other. He has no idea where his socks are, but he's got his shoes and-

"Frank," Gerard says softly, and Frank jumps up in surprise from where he was crouching on the floor, tying the laces. Gerard's hand is warm on Frank's shoulder, through the thin fabric of his still unbuttoned shirt, and his eyes are gentle and kind.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep. I should have just. . ." Frank says quietly, tearing his eyes away from Gerard and finally spots on of his dark green socks on the floor by the window, wondering how it ended up all the way over there.

"No," Gerard whispers, moving his hand down over Frank's arm and grasping his hand. He gives it a little squeeze, and moves his other hand up to Frank's face, turning it back to look at him. Gerard is just wearing boxers, Frank notes, and forces himself to look up at the older boy's face.

"I want you to stay," Gerard whispers, stepping closer. His hand drops from Frank's face and down to his chest. "I'd like it if you stayed." His hand is pressed against Frank's heart, and it's pounding so hard and fast it's almost embarrassing.

"Gee," he says, not sure how he wants to continue, and he doesn't have to, because Gerard leans in and kisses him. The older boy's lips feel dry now, but so does Frank's, so it doesn't really matter.

What matters is Gerard's arm sneaking around Frank's waist, and his hand leaving Frank's to reach up and cup the younger boy's cheek. What matters is the way he looks at Frank when he pulls away.

"I know I said I didn't care if this ever happened again, but I kind of do. I want it to happen again," he admits, smiling shyly. "If you don't, I want to know that it's because _you_ don't, not because you think that I don't."

Frank doesn't know what to say, so he doesn't say anything. He just kisses Gerard again.

Gerard is smiling when they break away for air. "Come on, let's go to bed," he says, and Frank lets him push his shirt off of his shoulders and his jeans off of his legs. They both keep their boxers on, but once their under the covers, Gerard pulls Frank close and holds him.

"Goodnight, Frankie," he whispers, pressing a kiss to the shell of Frank's ear.

"Goodnight, Gerard," Frank replies, locking his fingers with Gerard's in front of him, and presses himself back into Gerard's warm chest. He loves the feeling of Gerard holding him, his strong, warm arms embracing him and keeping him safe. It’s just what he wants. "Thank you."


End file.
